I'm Fine
by Jessica Claire
Summary: Two of the most important girls in his life were struggling and he couldn't figure out how to help either one. [EATING DISORDERS ARE A HUGE THEME. SKIP IF THIS BOTHERS YOU.] [Rated for mature themes and also possible sin.]
1. Chapter 1

Adrien first noticed Marinette slowing down during the Fall Showcase. Her designs were flawless, as always, but her response times were sluggish. While making adjustments on one of the models, she accidentally poked herself with the needle and didn't notice until someone pointed it out. Marinette stood and apologized profusely, but it was an empty apology. She cleaned up the blood, bandaged up her finger, and just went right back to work.

"Marinette," he approached her after the show and put a hand on her shoulder. After they entered college, they became fast friends. And even after graduation, they still talked every day. They ran in the same circles, there was no way to avoid being together, so they became close friends. She even admitted to having a crush on him at some point, but they both had someone else in their lives…

She blinked in response to him and looked up at him with unfocused eyes. "Hi, uh- Adrien. What's up?" She continued packing up her things, clearly marking her designs with transporting instructions.

"Are you okay? You've been acting a little strange all day." Adrien already knew the answer. Something was definitely going on, and he only hoped that they were close enough that she would tell him. He wouldn't force her of course, but he could be very convincing when he needed to be.

Marinette nodded slowly, eyes gazing around the room to check for anything she'd forgotten. The room was spotless. She was delaying. "Yeah. Just didn't get a lot of sleep this time around. One of the models bailed on the show and another one got surgery done so the dress didn't fit right." She was rambling now, something he knew she only did when she was nervous or uncomfortable.

Adrien raised his eyebrow at her and kept a stern gaze on her.

"I'm fine, Adrien." Marinette smiled and tapped him on the nose with her finger. "Get rid of that look. It doesn't look good on you." That was a lie and they both knew it. He looked good no matter what face he made. She walked away to grab her purse on the couch.

Except she never made it there. She stumbled and fell. Adrien yelped and ran over to help her. He thought she just tripped because her clumsiness never faded over the years, but her eyes were closed.

Adrien immediately called for the doctor. There was always one on call for shows. A lot of models never lived the healthiest of lifestyles, but designers… Adrien was pulled out of the way as the doctor and his assistant started examining her. Marinette woke up before they were finished.

"Adrien, what…" She looked up at the people surrounding her, but didn't see Adrien's face. She seemed to panic a little until her eyes met his. She grinned at him. "Adrien, get these people off of me. Tell them I just slipped."

He hesitated. That was most definitely not the case, but she wouldn't say anything to the doctor. "She's just tired, I think. I'll make sure she gets home." The doctor nodded and agreed that she needed food and rest. Adrien pulled her up off the ground, making sure she was stable. He grabbed her purse for her and walked her to her car.

"Stop worrying that pretty blond head of yours, Agreste. I'll be okay. You heard the doctor. I just need food and rest." She blew him a playful kiss and got into the car. Adrien watched until she was out of sight and then climbed into his own car. The show had been long, and now that the adrenaline died down, the fatigue was settling in.

Marinette collapsed into a heap on her couch at home. She groaned and hugged a pillow close to her chest. Her entire body was angry with her. No matter how still she sat, the room kept spinning. Tremors shook her body and the pain in her stomach was extreme enough to make her nauseous.

Marinette was a dirty liar.

Adrien was such a good friend to her. She didn't deserve his kindness, but he would never accept that. Especially after they became so close. They overcame so many hurdles together. They got through college together. They were inseparable and he would never let her think so badly of herself.

Her stomach growled at her, and she would get up to get food, but she knew for a fact that there was none in the apartment. The refrigerator had been empty for a good couple of months now. She closed her eyes for a moment. Maybe if she slept, all of this would go away. And go away, it did…until her phone woke her up for patrol. She let out another groan and pulled herself up onto her feet again. The room swayed, but she stabilized herself.

"Tikki, spots on."

Tikki resisted, but couldn't really stop the transformation. Marinette wasn't in ideal health to go on patrol, but she was stubborn and the kwami didn't have a choice.

Patrol went smoothly. Hawkmoth was resting tonight. Adrien made his puns, Ladybug sassed back. Everything was normal until the yo-yo missed its target. She didn't throw it far enough and it just grazed the railing it was meant to wrap around.

Adrien called out to her and ran out to catch her. He braced his arms so that she would land comfortably in his arms, but she was much lighter than he was expecting. They did stunts all of the time. Whenever she needed it, he would give her a boost, or hoist her up on his shoulders, but this was different. He landed down on the sidewalk, still holding her bridal style.

This wasn't just casual weight loss. She weighed nothing… He was barely even straining. He put her down on the ground and pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her waist. His arms were going too far around.

Ladybug looked up at him with a questioning glance. "What are you doing, Chat?"

"My Lady… are you sick?" He tilted her head up and looked into her eyes. He couldn't quite tell if she had dark circles but her skin wasn't the right color. Adrien spent more time staring at Ladybug than he cared to admit. Something was definitely wrong.

Ladybug shook her head and grinned. "Of course not, minou. I just missed. It gave me a little scare. That's all." A little scare was an understatement. Adrien didn't think his heart could beat any faster than when he saw his Lady fall from the sky.

"Ladybug." No nickname. He wasn't joking around.

"Chat," she responded. She pushed him away, standing up on her own two feet. She wobbled for a second and she looked like she was about to throw up.

"My Lady, please…" Adrien couldn't find any jokes to tell in this situation. Her yo-yo never missed. She was Ladybug. She had all the luck in the world…She wouldn't just miss like that.

Or maybe Adrien was just being paranoid. After Marinette fell at the show, he was starting to worry about every little thing. When he got home, the first thing he did was get someone to test the food, the water, the clothing. He was looking for anything that would explain Marinette's behavior. Maybe he was just projecting his concern onto Ladybug.

"Chat, I'm okay. I'm sorry I scared you." Ladybug reached up and scratched behind his ear. His eyes closed and he purred against his will. Damn her. She knew this was the best way to distract him. He couldn't resist her lovely fingers. He rubbed his cheek against her hand, forgetting about the situation briefly.

But he snapped out of it just as quickly. He pushed her hand away begrudgingly. "I haven't forgotten, my Lady."

Ladybug gave him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, minou…" She kissed him on the cheek. Although they still didn't know each other's identities, their relationship had developed considerably. They weren't quite dating, but they were in some kind of a relationship. They would share some intimate moments sometimes, but they never really put a label on what they had.

In Adrien's opinion, that gave him even more of a reason to worry. If she was hiding something from him, then he knew it was something serious.

"I'm keeping an eye on you, my Lady. You can't get away from me if it happens again."

Ladybug nodded her head in agreement. "Okay fine, but only because it won't happen again. It was a slip up. It happens." Her earrings gave the one minute warning. She smiled and leaned on him, pushing herself up on her toes to reach him. Her lips met his in a chaste kiss. "Gotta run. See you tomorrow for patrol."

She threw her yo-yo and didn't miss this time. He watched her until she was out of sight and his shoulders fell. Two of the most important girls in his life were struggling and he couldn't figure out how to help either one. He couldn't even figure out what was wrong. What kind of friend was he?

Adrien shook his head and leapt across the rooftops to his own apartment.

He would deal with this tomorrow.

Marinette ran into the bathroom for the fourth time that night. As per usual, nothing came up but bile and water. Her throat stung from the acid and her body couldn't stop shaking. It was easy to keep up her image in front of other people, but in the privacy of her own home, she had little control over herself.

Tikki flew around her head. "Marinette, you need to see someone."

Marinette wiped her mouth on her sleeve and shook her head. "No. I'm fine." This was a conversation they had ever day. Every day it ended the same way; with Marinette spending the majority of the night in the bathroom and ignoring Tikki's comments.

"Marinette, please. I'm worried about you."

Marinette flushed the toilet and ran her fingers through her hair. When she pulled her fingers away, a clump of hair came away with it. Her eyes widened and she sat there staring for a good few minutes. This would be harder to hide…How was she going to manage this? Adrien would notice in a second. And Chat…Chat would take longer to notice perhaps, but when he did, he would never let her out of his sight again.

Marinette pulled out her phone and dialed the first number on her speed dial.

"Alya, I need a wig."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: In which the truth comes out.**

Marinette glanced in the mirror again, clad only in her panties and a sports bra. Wrapped around her waist was a tape measure, pulled very tightly against her skin. She glanced down at the number briefly. Taking the marker held between her teeth, she wrote it down on the mirror beside her waist. She repeated this with other places on her body: her hips, her bust, her arms, her thighs, her neck. All of the measurements were recorded precisely and marked on the mirror.

With a last look, she left her usual outfit on the floor and decided to don a black hoodie in its place. Marinette wasn't an idiot. She knew what other people thought when they looked at her body. She wasn't oblivious to the whispers that she heard sometimes. _She looks starved. God, someone give her a slice of cake. I can see her ribs!_ People weren't exactly subtle with these kinds of things, so she just didn't give them a reason to stare. A hoodie would cover everything nicely, especially since the weather was starting to get nice and crisp.

Marinette took a breath, made sure she had everything that she needed, and headed downstairs to the kitchen. As per usual, there wasn't enough time for a proper breakfast, not that she ate them anyways.

She arrived at the café right on time, which was unusual for her. Normally she would be at least 15 minutes late to any meeting, but this was Alya. Alya would throw a fit if Marinette walked through the door a second later than planned.

Marinette smiled and waved at her friend. They normally met every day for lunch. It wasn't like they didn't meet anymore, but it seemed like Alya was the only one doing the eating. Marinette had a different excuse every time. Big breakfast, nausea, not feeling anything on the menu, big business dinner soon, whatever.

Alya was no fool. As Marinette's best friend, she knew something was going on the first time she skipped lunch. Marinette ate like an active, growing teenage boy. Her stomach was limitless and she inhaled her food as soon as she got it. Skipping breakfast was normal (Marinette was not good at waking up on time), but skipping lunch was reserved for last minute details on a design.

When Marinette refused a menu and just chose to sit there watching Alya eat, then she knew something was wrong. She didn't say anything to see if it was a temporary thing, but after a few months and last night's phone call, Alya's suspicions were confirmed.

"Hey, girl. Sit down. I got you a hot chocolate." This was a test that Alya devised. If she took the hot chocolate, then she would be left alone. If she refused it, then she lost, and this would be an extremely uncomfortable meeting for the both of them.

"Uhh. Thanks. Do you have the thing I asked you for?" Marinette acknowledged the hot chocolate but didn't make any moves to actually drink it. She just stirred it around with her spoon a little.

"I do, but you're not getting it until you tell me what's going on." Alya's journalist side was coming out. Her expression was unwavering and her arms were crossed. Marinette wasn't getting out of this one, no matter how many excuses she could come up with. Alya had heard them all, and she wasn't accepting any.

"Nothing is going on, Alya. I just needed a wig to test some hair styles out. I'm not good at doing my own hair, you know that." Marinette fidgeted slightly, but she stopped and forced herself to imitate Alya's resistant stance. "Now, can I have the wig? I have to go to a fitting."

"Nope. Not until you finish that hot chocolate." Alya raised an eyebrow at Marinette, daring her to take a sip. She didn't need her to actually do anything. Just the hesitation was enough proof for her.

"Okay, so I'm watching my figure. It's hard to find time to work out when you have back to back shows. Gabriel Agreste is an insane man with insane expectations." Lies upon lies, except for the one about Gabriel Agreste. She _had_ been working out. A lot. As Ladybug and between shows. In fact, she would probably have to double up because she had to miss yesterday.

"Watching your figure is one thing, girl. I don't think I've seen you eat a proper meal in _months_. Now, granted, we don't spend too much time together anymore, but you lived in a bakery for god's sake! How can you not even order a croissant when we have lunch dates?" Alya didn't want to be the one to put it out on the table. She wanted Marinette to say it with her own mouth.

"Croissants have a ton of butter in them! That's not good for you. I'm trying to eat clean. It gives me more energy." Marinette stirred her hot chocolate a little more, hopefully taking the attention off of her for a second. Alya hadn't broken eye contact the entire time. It was uncomfortable.

"Marinette, you're not leaving until we settle this." Alya spoke in a very neutral tone. Even though it was a serious conversation, they were in public. Drawing attention to either of them wasn't ideal. If word of a confrontation got out, it would sully Alya's name as a journalist and Marinette's as an upcoming designer. "I'm insisting because you know what this is about."

Marinette finally had enough. She stood up, gathered her bag, and walked away without another word. She didn't need the wig yet. She could get one from her co-workers. Alya was her best friend, but even best friends had limits. Alya was being ridiculous. Nothing was wrong with her. So she took care of her body and watched her diet a little closer than other people. That's fine, isn't it?

Everything was fine.

Marinette arrived at the fitting with plenty of time to spare. She'd planned on chatting with Alya for a bit longer, but the confrontation cut their meeting a little short. She huffed and focused herself. The models were starting to arrive and put on their designated garments. Marinette eyed them all warily. She spent a lot of time on these garments. She wouldn't let a silly model ruin them.

Marinette sighed, noticing one of her models struggling with one of the pieces. He was actually just doing her a favor. Male models were scarce, so she'd reached out to her old classmates for help. Tony was the first to volunteer. She went up to him and quickly adjusted the scarf so it was sitting artistically on his shoulders. "Stay still, Tony. I'm pinning you." She worked quickly, pinning parts of the scarf in place. It still looked like it was draped loosely, but it was actually very specific.

"Thanks. I don't really know how these things go…" Tony fidgeted with the scarf a little. Marinette playfully swiped his hand away and gave him the brightest smile she could manage.

"Don't you worry, you look fabulous!" Marinette gave him another squeeze on the shoulder, told the stylist what to do with his hair, and left to observe everyone else. Everyone was here except for one. There was one garment left hanging on the rack, and she didn't need to check the name to know who it was.

"Where the _hell_ is Adrien Agreste?" He wasn't the kind of person to be late. If he _was_ running late, then he would usually send a text or call. Marinette glanced down at her phone. _Shit._ There were about 10 missed calls. Some from Alya, some from Adrien. Okay, so he had some kind of excuse. She didn't need to hear it. If he wasn't here, then she'd focus on someone else, except everyone seemed to be doing alright.

Once the models were all dressed and prepped, she went through them one by one to do final fittings. Models were fairly consistent with their measurements. They never strayed more than an inch either way, which made Marinette's job considerably easier. Still, her mannequin was very different from these bodies, so adjustments had to be made. She also made comments on the makeup and hair for the show.

"Lovely hair on this one. Don't change a thing."

"A darker brown for the eyeshadow I think."

"Cut the contour across the cheekbone, not under it."

All in all, it was exhausting work and it meant she had more work to do between now and the show…Marinette made a mental list of everything. She had to shorten the hem on a skirt, tighten the waist on a pair of pants, let out the bust on the dress-

"Thinking a lot there, aren't you, princess?"

Marinette closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Now that she had a chance to think, the weakness was coming back to her. Chat was the last thing she needed right now, but a distraction was a distraction. And he wouldn't leave no matter what she said, so she turned to face him.

"Chat, why are you here?"

Chat gave a mock pout. "You act like you don't want me here." He took Adrien's garment off of the rack and held it up in front of him. He struck a pose. "I could be in your show."

Marinette huffed and grabbed the garment out of his hands. The sudden movement caused her vision to blur, but she just ignored it and put the garment back on the rack. "Stop joking around. If you ruin my clothes, you're paying for it. Why are you here? Is there danger in the area?"

He shook his head and put an arm around her, running his thumb over her shoulder, tracing shape of the bone. "Just checking on my girl. You seem a little on the tired side. Are you sick?" So that's what this was about. How come everybody was doing this today? Were they all talking about this behind her back?

"Yeah, I'm exhausted, which is why _this,_ " she shrugged his arm off of her shoulders. "is distracting and I should get to work." Chat let her walk over to her work table, where there were a variety of sewing materials and her machine. He followed and stood next to her, propping his elbows up on the table. She rolled her eyes and tried to ignore his unwavering gaze.

He was quiet while she worked, but he wasn't interested in what she was doing. He was examining her. If Marinette wouldn't tell Adrien what was going on, then maybe he could get it out of her as Chat. Her face was slimmer, but not in a natural way. Her cheeks were hollowed. When he felt her shoulder, it was bony.

"So a little birdie told me that you had a little _fall_ of your own at the Fall Showcase." Adrien wasn't letting her get away this time. She couldn't leave if she wanted to anyways. There was too much work for her to just stand and leave. No escape route. "Want to explain to me what that was about? Can't have my princess feeling ill on me."

Marinette stopped her sewing machine. "Tell that little birdie to see me ASAP. He didn't show up for the fitting and it needs to be done by this Friday." She didn't acknowledge anything else that he said, which frustrated him. He didn't let it show. He would play by her rules for a little while.

"I'll be sure to pass on the message. Now, about that fall."

Marinette kept her mouth shut, placed the clothes into a garment bag, and hung them back on the rack. Adrien noticed a slight stumble when she got up, but nothing other than that. Marinette was incredibly good at hiding whatever it was she had. He had a suspicion. She was showing a lot of symptoms that he was too familiar with. When she came back, he didn't let her sit down. He pulled her into his lap and nuzzled his nose against her cheek.

"C'mon, princess." He wrapped his arms around her waist. Too thin. A sense of déjà vu hit him. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong, Chat. I've been watching my weight more closely, that's all." She tried to get off of his lap, but he held her firmly in place. It wasn't difficult. Even though Marinette was normally very strong, she was either not trying that much or weakened by something. He was betting on the latter of the two.

"Bull." Adrien was a little more serious now. If Marinette was struggling with what he suspected, then they needed to have this talk. "You're in the fashion industry. It has a pretty toxic social scene, no?"

Marinette froze. "Chat."

"I'm right aren't I?"

She didn't respond, which was to be expected. He wouldn't know what to say either, so he would do some of the talking for her.

"Being around all of those models, you know they do the same thing. I bet you've even overheard some tips and tricks." Adrien rested his forehead against her back and held her closer. She felt so small and fragile… He wanted nothing more but to take her home with him and take care of her; feed her a good meal and tuck her into bed.

"I'm not the same as them. They're destroying themselves. I'm taking care of myself." He couldn't see her face, but he could feel the slight tremors in her body. She was crying, or trying very hard not to cry. "I don't have a problem."

"You do, princess." Adrien turned her around so that she was facing him and straddling his waist. He was right, she was crying. He hugged her close and she buried her face in his shoulder. Marinette was intelligent. As much as she was trying to deny it, she knew that what she was doing was hurting her. She would never admit it out loud, but she knew deep down that she needed help.

"I just…Chat. They're all gorgeous. Tall, thin, everything. I design their clothes and I love it, but…" Chat hushed her. He knew what she was going through. He had to walk Chloe through the same thing. Chloe had been more stubborn about it, but he dragged her through treatment and made sure she saw it through. He would do the same for Marinette, but it was difficult to do as Chat. She would have to depend on him as Adrien.

"You need help. Talk to someone. Anyone who you're close to." He was hoping that Marinette would turn to him. If not, he would have to drag it out of her again, and that wasn't something he wanted to repeat. If she voluntarily went to him, then it would be the first step to getting better.

She only gave a small nod in response. Adrien pulled her up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Put your stuff away. I'm going to walk you home."

After he made sure Marinette was home, he made her promise to eat something. It wasn't going to happen. There was no way to force her to eat, but she had to know that he was concerned and that not eating was the problem.

In his own room, Adrien collapsed onto the bed and sighed. He always worried about Marinette. The fashion industry was savage. Marinette was so sweet, something was bound to happen at some point. He just wished it wasn't this. She was already so thin…how long had she been like this?

And then it hit him. Ladybug was showing similar symptoms. He was never around her long enough to really know, but her fall couldn't have just been an accident.

Was his Lady sick too…?

 **A/N: Oh if only our poor Adrien knew… I promise happier times are coming!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Welcome to the Angst Train™. Arrival time tbd. Sorry it's been a while, y'all, but it's really hard for me to stay motivated. And little reviews and PMs do a lot for that. Thanks to miraculouslaura for reminding me why I write these silly little fics.**

"Hey, Adrien?" Marinette's voice was almost too quiet to hear over the phone. He almost missed it. She was either nervous or tired. Adrien shook his head a couple times to wake him up a little. Whatever she needed to say, it was probably important.

"It's 3am, Marinette. What's up?" There was silence over the phone. She was hesitating. _Oh shit,_ this was it. Adrien was wide awake now and he was seconds away from getting up and going to find her personally.

"I-I think I need your help." He heard her take a deep breath. He waited patiently, knowing exactly what conversation they were about to have. He would wait for her to be ready. "A…friend of mine opened my eyes to something recently. I think I might have a problem."

"Mhm." He made a sound to indicate that he was still listening. He already had a list of groups and institutions on call to help her. He would let her choose where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do, but he wanted to make her choice as easy as possible. This wasn't exactly his first time. He could help her. He just needed her to open up to him as Adrien the way she did to him as Chat.

Another breath. "I don't really know how to say this. I still don't quite believe it or know what to think about it. People have been saying that I'm not eating enough and that I'm exercising too much, even though that's ridiculous. I eat just enough and I don't exercise that much. I just have a fast metabolism." She was rambling. Despite the situation, Adrien had to smile a little. Marinette was relapsing to their school days.

"Marinette, slow down. I don't understand what you're trying to say." He feigned ignorance. He didn't want to be too obvious, but he wanted to coax it out of her. Her confidence was slipping and there was a chance she would just give up.

"I-I might have an eating disorder and I don't know what to do."

 _And there it is._

Hearing her actually admit it broke his heart. She sounded so unsure of herself and so scared, so uncharacteristic of the woman she'd grown to be, the woman she still was behind her disorder.

"It's okay, Marinette. I'll help you."

LINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINELINE

Marinette glanced around the circle. She saw a very varied group of people. There were men and women, tall and short, all races represented. They were as different as could be, but they all apparently had one thing in common. They all had some kind of an eating disorder.

The thought of it still felt foreign to her. She wasn't fully convinced that she had one. Looking around at the group, she found herself feeling disconnected from everyone. They were all so sickly-looking and fragile. She could throw herself from building to building for god's sake. She was not weak.

"And what about you, hon? Would you like to introduce yourself?"

She pressed her lips together and gripped the edge of her chair tightly. "I- uh. My name is Marinette. I'm a fashion designer and I've lived in Paris all my life." Everyone was looking at her as if they were expecting more form her. Everyone else spoke about their problems and how their lives were affected.

"I don't…I don't belong here." She avoided direct eye contact with anyone in the group, desperately wishing for Adrien's comforting arm around her shoulders or Chat's nose nuzzled against her cheek. Anything to provide a little bit of comfort.

Everyone looked at her with pity. It was degrading, as if she was a dying animal. She was _Ladybug_ , god dammit. She didn't need their sympathy.

The person leading the session didn't seem concerned, like they expected this kind of a reaction. "Thank you for being here, Marinette." She continued to launch into a discussion about something that made them happy. It was like an assignment, and some people said little things, like sunlight or croissants. Soon enough, it was her turn again.

"Cats. Cats make me happy." Marinette muttered, thinking of one cat specifically.

"Well, that's nice. They are cute, aren't they?"

The group leader, who Marinette learned was named Amanda, continued the conversation and gave Marinette a break. Amanda seemed to know that the girl was still trying to wrap her head around her disorder.

After the session, Marinette got up and immediately left the room. It was stifling in there. Everyone else said that sharing their experiences was liberating. Marinette only felt trapped. She sat on the stairs outside the building with her arms wrapped around her legs and her head resting on her knees. She was exhausted.

"How did it go, Princess?" Chat landed beside her. How did he always know where she was?

Marinette turned her head just enough to peek at him with one eye. "Kitten…" She didn't know what else to say. That seemed to be happening a lot lately. Thankfully, he seemed to understand. He scooted over and put an arm around her waist, letting her lean into him.

She was too tired to realize who she was and who it was that she was leaning on. She was only ever this close to Chat as Ladybug, but if he noticed, he didn't comment on it. She placed her head against his shoulder and took a deep breath. She felt so defeated coming out of that room. She felt like there were weights tied to her arms and around neck and they were all pulling her to the ground.

Chat rubbed her arm comfortingly and she found herself leaning even closer into his arms. He was so warm and familiar, something she desperately needed after what she just went through.

"It was awful, kitty. They looked at me like I was on my death bed. All of the pit in their eyes, god, I couldn't stand it!" Marinette looked up at him, but he was frozen solid, staring at her with wide eyes.

"Chat? Are you alright?" She replayed her words in her head, but she couldn't find anything strange. Sure, she sounded a little whiny, but it really had been an awful experience. His lips were still pressed together and he was still staring at her in disbelief. She huffed and held his hands in her hands. "Kitty, answer me. What's up?"

And then everything clicked. The endearing nickname that she'd just thrown around was Ladybug-exclusive. And she certainly wasn't Ladybug at this very moment. There was a whole new level of concern in his eyes and Marinette knew she was going to be lectured once he got ahold of his tongue.

"So you're,"

"Yeah."

There was a beat of silence and then instead of speaking, Chat pulled her ono his lap. She struggled a little, but ended up straddling him to get comfortable. "Kitten…" He didn't respond, not with words. He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and put his head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat. She ran her fingers through his hair, scratching a little behind his ears hoping to soothe him. This must have been quite a shock to him.

Her secret was out now, so she placed a kiss to the top of his head. "I'm sorry. I know you must be even more worried than before, I just didn't want to bother you with this. I mean, I'm Ladybug. I'm the almighty hero of Paris…" She laughed bitterly, remembering that particular segment of the news praising her as the savior of the city. They'd complemented her skills, her abilities, her looks. They put her on a pedestal that she just couldn't live up to.

"Marinette…my Lady." His voice was strained and she could tell that he was trying extremely hard not to lose it in the public eye. She moved a hand down to trace his jaw.

"We can talk somewhere else, minou."

Chat nodded and picked her up without another word. Marinette hated seeing him like this. He was so happy as Chat Noir. He was carefree and playful and she just took away all of that. The guilt was eating her alive.

They landed on her balcony far too soon. He opened the door to her room, and carefully carried her down to her bed. He placed her down, stepped back and crossed his arms.

"Okay, let's talk."

Marinette didn't properly think this through.

"Okay."

Chat took a seat on the bed next to her. "Well?"

Marinette flopped backwards, resting her head on her fluffy pillow and pulling a blanket over herself. Words were easier to say when she was comfortably wrapped.

"It started a long time ago."

He nodded to indicate that he was still listening. Obviously, she wasn't talking about them in school. She had no idea who he was yet. She was most likely talking about their debut as superheroes. Back in the day when the villains they faced were easy and everything was new and exciting.

"It was fun at first. Fighting evil with each other and helping out friends. I helped out in the bakery and everything smelled like cookies and croissants. But then we grew up."

Marinette shuddered. "We got pushed into the real world. I don't know what it's like on your side of the pond, but the fashion industry is nothing like school. No one cares about you in the fashion world and, given the chance, it'll eat you right up and spit you into the trash."

Chat just managed to keep himself from mentioning that they did shows together frequently. He knew exactly what she was talking about.

"I mean, not really the real world. I was just an intern. I didn't do the designs, not all of them. I just helped out. And even then, the competition was fierce. And then…I don't know when, but I started to compare myself to the models that I was working on."

She looked up at him, eyes unfocused. She was drifting off, struggling to stay in focus, but determined to finish the story. It was far from over, but she wasn't sure she could bring herself to start it up again if she stopped.

"It started out small at first. I just wanted to take care of my body. I started eating healthier and exercising. I joined a gym, got a personal trainer. I started keeping track of the foods I ate, the drinks I had." Marinette paused to yawn and snuggle down into the covers.

"And then it turned into counting the actual calories and writing down my weight. I started writing down my measurements. Just the main three: bust, waist, hips. And then I added more, like my thighs, my calves, my arms."

Chat heard her voice waver. He sighed and shifted the both of them so that he had his arms around her. He pressed her close and tucked her head under his chin.

"And I plateaued at some point. I was perfectly healthy and my trainer was so proud of me. I wasn't satisfied. My body was healthy, but no matter what I did, my legs, my body, my face could never match up to any of my models."

Her voice was barely above a whisper now. Even though tears were flowing freely down her face, she was no closer to being awake. "And then I took drastic measures. I controlled my diet to the point where it didn't really exist. I lived off of black coffee and the occasional handful of almonds. I know what this looks like. I know what _I_ look like." She buried her face into his chest and clutched at the sheets tightly. "But I also know what they look like. And it hurts so much when I see them and when I see myself in the mirror because we're nothing alike. I'm…so plain. I'm so average. And they're like works of art. They literally get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars because they look like art in front of a camera, or on a catwalk."

Chat didn't interrupt. She had to let this out. He could formulate a response in the morning, but right now, right here, she needed to talk.

"And now I don't know how to escape, or if I even want to. Because I see my clothes on them during the shows. I see the hours of work that I put into their outfits, but the amount of love I have for my work doesn't even compare to how much I want to just rip my designs off of their perfectly shaped bodies. I want to smear their makeup and ruin their hair so that just for a moment, they'll be on the same level as me."

He couldn't even count the number of things that were wrong with her thoughts. If only she could see herself the way he did. Everything about her was so…beautiful, so magical. But no, tonight was not the night. She wasn't ready for this.

"And, well, now we're here."

Chat finally cracked a smile and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"And now we're here."

She gave the slightest nod of her head and immediately slipped into unconsciousness.

"Goodnight, my Lady."


End file.
